A Deeper Love
by Piper Sargasso
Summary: A change of heart a long time in the making. My first ScullySkinner romance with a huge sap warning.


A Deeper Love

By Piper Sargasso

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I walk out of the room, head reeling from Mulder's admission. I can't bear to hear more – not when he's so emotionally raw and exposed. My stomach churns from this miserable sense of betrayal, for harboring these feelings for so long. For nurturing them into a blossoming fixation.

You see -- I've long since had a change of heart. 

It's hard to tell what triggered it exactly. It was long before I knew the warmth of his lips when I gave him that spontaneous kiss in the elevator. I think it comes from something deeper, something rooted in years of trust and admiration. 

But it's more than that, and nothing that can be wrapped up with a pretty bow. The answer will not come easily, nor do I want it to. I'm no longer interested in dangling at the end of Fox Mulder's string, waiting for him to figure it all out. I'm no longer content to waste myself while he carries on with his head in the clouds, in a file, in Agent Fowley's lap. I'm not the young, naive woman I used to be. 

I'm not sure I want this feeling to go away. It's powerful stuff, and I'm so scared that analyzing it will only serve to dismantle the wonderful sensations. The magnificent, blissful feeling of being in love.

Dana Scully, in love. 

And herein lies the problem. Because the man I'm in love with is my boss.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Several days after our return to DC, I settle back into my usual routine. Work, shower, eat, read, sleep. Usually, I unwind with little effort. Leaving non-pressing work issues at the office is imperative to my sanity, so tonight I decide to focus all my energy on a hot bubble bath and a good book. 

Surrounded by fragrant bubbles, I attempt to read this page for the third time. My eyes skim over the words, but nothing absorbs. What's wrong with me? The butterflies pounding their wings like little jackhammers inside my belly remind me – it's Skinner. And Mulder. 

Why do I feel guilty about this? I never promised myself to my partner. I waited patiently for four long years. He has Diana Fowley. I need to stop doing this to myself – falling for unavailable men. Mulder consorts with the enemy, then has the nerve to tell me he's in love with me; Skinner's my boss. I sigh. My boss and nothing more. I force myself for the millionth time to admit that a relationship with my superior is unlikely, not to mention detrimental to both our jobs. 

An insistent rap on the door causes me to jump in surprise, splashing water over the rim of the tub. Damnit, it has to be Mulder. I can never have a moment's peace. Wrapping a robe around my bubble-coated body, I plod irritably to the front door. A peek out the peephole reveals a nervous looking Skinner. 

This is strange. I can't recall him ever coming to my apartment before.

Opening the door, I greet him with a small smile. 

"Agent Scully," he nods, then pushes his way inside.

"Sir." I can honestly say I've never seen him pace before. The gesture is odd, totally out of place with his usual cool and commanding demeanor. 

"We need to have a little talk, Agent," he begins. My heart constricts. Is he going to reprimand me for my embarrassing behavior in the elevator? God, how humiliating.

"Of course. Please, take a seat."

He sits at one end of my couch and I take my place at the other, making sure my robe is pulled tight. He stares at me for a moment, as if unsure of what to say. 

"I pulled you from your bath, Scully. I apologize," he points at my upswept hair and looks down at the frothy patch of bubbles clinging to my leg.

I smile at him, despite the mounting tension between us. "That's alright, Sir. What was it we needed to discuss?"

His mouth opens, then shuts it quickly and he turns his face away. Is he blushing? I'm not sure what to make of this. This _must_ have something to do with my actions the other day, but I'm having trouble reading him. Is he mad? Irritated? In his mind, is this like a schoolgirl crush he has to squash delicately? God, how did things get so convoluted. 

Unable to bear the silence any longer, I speak up. "Sir, I'd like to apologize for my inappropriate behavior the other day." It kills me to say it, but I can't go on with these  -- unfortunate feelings dictating my every move, my every thought. The sooner I remedy this situation, the faster I'll be able to move on. 

He stares at me for a beat and again, I'm not sure how to interpret his expression. I see fear and disappointment and maybe even -- hope? Like a flash, it's gone. 

Rising, he looks at the floor and mutters, "I should go. I apologize for interrupting your evening." He walks briskly to my door. No, this isn't right. I have to stop him. I can't shake the feeling that we're passing up a monumental moment here.

"Sir?" I quickly rush to join his side. He turns around, unable to meet my eyes. "If you want to walk out of here and ignore what happened between us, that's fine. If it's easier for you to dismiss what I did as a passing moment of gratitude and never mention it again, I'll understand. But -- I don't think I can do the same." My words startle him, I can tell. I don't blame him -- they're scaring the hell out of me. I won't, _can't_ think about where the strength to do this is coming from. If I do, I swear to God I'll stop. "I don't _want_ to do the same." 

His expression softens, smoothing out the frown he wore just moments before and his voice takes on a tender quality that warms me all over. "Scully, you can't know what you're asking. It just can't happen." 

Yes, I know this. It's crazy, complete insanity. It'll never work for a thousand reasons. And you know what? I don't care. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I stand on my tiptoes and look into his soulful eyes. "I want to try. I want to give _us_ a try." 

Please, please take that leap with me. I don't think I can stand another day without you now that I know. My eyes must convey these thoughts because before I know what's happening, he's swooping down on my lips, capturing them between his own in the sweetest, most gentle kiss I've ever received. It's the same softness and warmth I remember from the all too brief kiss we shared in the elevator, the same tenderness I've dreamt about ever since that day. His hands move to unclasp the claw clip holding my hair up, tangling in my newly fallen hair as he drinks me in. It's making me lightheaded. For the first time in a very long time, I feel alive.

And God, do I love this man. I don't know how I ever thought I could sit across from his desk for the next indeterminate years of my life and deny it. When the kiss ends, I slide one hand from his forearm to grasp his hand. 

"I love you. I need you to know that," he tells me.

I can feel my grin spread over my face even as my skin flushes with heat. 

Leading him to the bedroom, I feel – perfect. I don't think I've ever felt like this before. This is right. This is exactly the way it should be -- no complicated personal issues to block the way, no mixed signals. No games. Just us.

Tomorrow and all its problems can take care of itself. For tonight, I'm going to be happy. 

Completely, sublimely happy.

~ The End ~   

A/N: This was written for Peggy, who was really bummed one day about a lag in SSR fics being posted. Of course, I've only written MSR until now, but I decided to give it a try. g

So tell me, did I totally screw it up? Should I try again? Feedback will set me on the right track! 


End file.
